Autistic and allistic traits
I only figured out I'm autistic in 2022. I'm still learning. Writing these articles is how I learn things. They're all works in progress, to various extents. No-one can speak for an entire minority group. These are just my personal experiences, things I've found out from talking to my friends, and discussions I've seen on autistic forums. Please don't take me as authoritative. I'm not.
I dropped turtles when I fell in love with ice age fossils. Collected the shit out of them.
— (Fictionalised) John Laroche, Adaptation, 2002
Heavily paraphrasing multiple lists, these traits (amongst others) seem to be pretty common amongst autistic people, to varying degrees:
- Using direct speech, to learn and share what's true, what's interesting, and what pet projects you're both working on[1]
- Needing plenty of time alone[2]
- Having a strong desire to be truthful, correct, or fair,[2][3] or to find optimal solutions to problems
- Being uncomfortable with lying, even a white lie
- Struggling to maintain eye contact and intonate with your voice, or doing these things just fine, but consciously remembering to do them
- Practicing conversations with allistic people in your mind before actually having them[4]
- Imitating the phrases and mannerisms of fictional characters[5][6]
- Often having fun with wordplay (e.g. "I'm a janitor. I'm janeting.")[5]
- Having intense interests[7][8] (and maybe even some collections)
- Being especially sensitive to your senses[7][6] (such as seeing fluorescent lights strobing[9] and hearing them buzzing, being a "fussy eater", or finding clothes tags unbearably itchy[6])
- Not being able to hear what people are saying very well, even though you can generally hear just fine
- Having empathy for animals, insects, and even inanimate objects such as stuffed toys[6]
- Codifying explicit rules and exceptions, in order to understand things[1]
- Using, appreciating, and even making tools (this includes stationery), not just as a means to an end for a day job[1]
- Dreading leaving the house, or phoning allistic people (which is pretty much everyone)
- Having trouble sleeping[8] (either because you can't stop your mind racing with ideas, or because you hear really well)
- Stimming (which isn't necessarily what you think it is)
- Disliking ambiguity, or jokingly pretending to misinterpret ambiguous phrases[2]
- Getting wound up that allistic people don't just say what they mean[10][11][12][13]
- Sitting cross-legged quite often[14]
- Pretty much only making friends with autistic people (that is to say, hardly anyone)
Conversely, these traits seem to be pretty common amongst allistic people:
- Using mitigated speech, to minimise offence and embarrassment[15][16][17]
- Easily spotting and using sarcasm and metaphors
- Favouring saying or hearing a white lie over a painful truth
- Naturally maintaining eye contact and intonating with your voice — you don't even have to consciously think about doing it
- Talking to other allistic people on-the-fly, without practicing the conversation first[4]
- Intuitively understanding things, in a hazy, ill-defined way
- Getting wound up that autistic people just blurt out something everyone was happily ignoring
- Easily making friends with allistic people (that is to say, almost anyone)
The main difference is whether almost all your closest friends are autistic (if you were lucky enough to find other autistic people), or almost all your closest friends are allistic.[1]
References
- "What Is Autism?" 2019
- "Hey, how's this for autism 'awareness' month: some percentage of you who are reading this tweet are #actuallyAutistic and aren't aware of it. I'm going to post a bunch of questions I wish I had been asked in this context, years ago. This is not diagnosis! But it's instructive." @mykola Twitter, Apr 2019
- "People Don't Seem to Appreciate Objectivity" Libecht, Reddit
- "What Things Did You Think Neurotypical People Do, but Now Know That It's Really an Autistic Thing?" North3rnAnge1, Reddit
- "I'm Normal — I Swear!" saltwaterandsand, Reddit, Jul 2021
- "What Are Some Things You Thought Were Normal Until Finding Out You're Autistic?" fixationed, Reddit, Jun 2022
- "How We Should Start to See the Autism Spectrum" Autism_sketches, Reddit
- "Humanizing the DSM's Diagnostic Criteria for Autism" Mykola Bilokonsky, Reddit
- Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome, second edition Olga Bogdashina, 2016, ISBN 978-1-84905-673-1, p. 83
- "Nobody Asked, but Being Autistic During Arguments Is Funny" asapskrr, Reddit
- "Anyone Else Get Into Trouble Because Neurotypicals Hear Nine Things When You Say One Thing?" ad-lib1994, Reddit
- "Can Neurotypicals Ask Me Directly With Their Outside Voice, Please?" ad-lib1994, Reddit
- "Why do I need to 'pick up on social cues'? Couldn't people just come out and say what they mean directly, instead of dancing around the point?" @NeuroRebel Twitter, Mar 2022
- "Here's a Follow-Up to My Recent Post About Sitting in Chairs" lapiperna, Reddit
- "Have Any of You Ever Argued With Another Person on the Spectrum, Then Thought 'Holy Shit, This Is Why People Hate Arguing With Me'?" tuoder, Reddit
- "Have Any of You Ever Argued With Another Person on the Spectrum, Then Thought 'Holy Shit, This Is Why People Hate Arguing With Me'?" tuoder, Reddit
- "Just a Little Help" purple_baron, Reddit
Am I autistic?: Autistic and allistic traits | Autistic imposter syndrome | If I'm autistic, why don't I stim? | Online autism tests